Laughable
by Oirowin
Summary: Harry did not think he’d ever found anything less funny in his entire life. Warnings: slash, language, nudity


Laughable

"Harry," she snaps. "Harry!"

"Huh? What Hermione?"

She glares at him before repeating herself. "Have you worked at all on the egg?"

He hesitates. "No."

Taking a deep breath, she begins. "Harry! The task is less than a week away! You should've had that egg solved eons ago! I'm sure all the other champions know exactly what they're facing and you're going to hav-"

"Hermione!"

She stopped, aghast that he would interrupt her rant.

"I understand, ok?" he says. "I know what I have to do; I just…haven't gotten around to doing it."

"I am not going to let you fail in front of the whole school because of your notorious procrastination!"

"Harry!' a voice down the bridge called. "Harry!"

"Cedric?"

The pair turned to face the slowly growing wizard running their way.

"Was I interrupting anything?"

Hermione and Harry look to each other before stating that he was _clearly_ not interrupting anything at all.

"Can I talk to you?"

Harry agreed, moving away from Hermione slowly as Cedric slung an arm around him before continuing.

"How are you Harry?"

"Uh, I'm fine, Cedric."

"I've been meaning to thank you for that tip off about the dragons, I would've never found out if it wasn't for you."

"Oh, it's nothing. I know you would've done the same for me."

"Exactly, that's my next point."

Harry looked to Cedric, pondering his comment.

"Have you figured out the egg yet?"

Harry suppressed a blush. "Uh, not really."

"You know the prefects bathroom," Cedric begins. "On the fifth floor?"

"Uh, yeah," Harry says, slightly bemused. "Why?"

"It's a good place to take baths."

Harry stopped walking to stare at the boy who just spoke those words.

"You should take your egg there," he continued. "The bath is very relaxing."

"Uh," Harry says. "Thanks."

"It's the least I could do," Cedric says, removing his arm. "I'll see you around Harry."

"Do you have a plan then?" Hermione says, running up behind her still-stunned friend.

"You were listening weren't you?"

"It's a habit, I'm sorry," she says only slightly embarrassed.

Later that evening, Harry found his way to the bathroom Cedric spoke of earlier, egg in tote. He looked around, making sure the room was clear before removing his robe and sliding into the warm bath. When the bubbles began to fade, Harry decided to give the egg another try. He cautiously opened the golden egg only to hear the same high pitched screech of before. He quickly closed it.

"You should try it underwater," a male voice said from the hall. "It's got a little different ring to it."

Cedric came into view. He watched as Harry's face grew red; subtly pulling a mound of bubbles close to him. The Hufflepuff smiled.

"Care if I join you?"

"Uh-um," Harry stuttered; interesting thoughts floating through his mind.

Cedric didn't bother to hear his retorts and slid in anyway. Harry, innocently, closed his eyes, as Cedric was clearly naked.

"Don't be pathetic Potter, we're both men here," he said swimming around. "Why don't you try the egg?"

Harry pulled the egg into the bath with him, slowly lowering it into the water.

"Open it."

Harry glared, and did as he was told.

Instead of an echoing screech, he heard a mumbled song; something beautiful and lush. He looked to Cedric who nodded.

Harry sank below the surface, bringing the song into clear focus. Before he comprehended the second line, there was a clear distraction that floated his way. His eyes, unable to avert themselves, locked keenly on Cedric's cock, lolling about the bath.

He inhaled far too much water and rose to the surface in a coughing fit.

"You ok?" Cedric patted him on the back.

"Yeah," Harry gasped. "Just, got di-distracted a b-bit."

"Haw far did you get?"

Harry lied. "Pretty close to the end."

"Better than I did."

Harry cocked an eyebrow at Cedric's comment.

"When I figured out the clue, Krum was using the bath."

The Hufflepuff clearly winked at Harry's shocked expression.

"Right," Harry said, finding another pile of bubbles to cover his own floating extremity.

_Note to self, wear a pair of trunks the next time you bathe. _Harry sighed.

"So what do you think the treasures are?" Cedric asked, joining Harry on his side of the bath.

"T-treasures?"

Harry's eyes couldn't resist looking through the transparent water as Cedric allowed himself to bob freely.

"Tempting isn't it," he said. "Imagine Krum being here."

Cedric chuckled at his own perverted thought, Harry's mouth fell agape.

"Come now, we all know those Durmstrang boys are nothing but a school ful--."

"Enough!"

"What's the matter Harry?"

"You've got to be fucking kidding me! Do you not find your comments the least bit outspoken?"

Cedric merely stared at the boy-who-lived.

"Thank you for the hint on the egg, but I do believe it is past my welcome."

"Harry," he said grabbing his arm. "I suppose I'm sorry."

"You are not," Harry said, staring at the pathetic face his partner spat.

"Let me give you a reason not to leave," he said connotatively.

Harry paused, bellybutton exposed to the air, and realized his robe was no longer at the edge of the bath.

"Bastard," Harry scoffed.

"I am not, you've met my father."

Harry didn't hide the look of disgust that crossed his face as he reluctantly slipped back into the bath. "What's another reason?"

"Who wouldn't want to be in a bath with me?"

Harry couldn't fully comprehend what he was hearing: the stud of Hogwarts was shamelessly flirting with him.

Harry resisted glancing into the water.

"Restraint only strengthens the urges, Harry."

He hated the way Cedric said his name, it was as if he was talking to a little boy. He wouldn't tolerate it.

"We're even. You helped me with the egg and I tipped you off about the dragons. Can we call it a night?" He said, setting his jaw very firmly and glaring from his innermost soul.

"I mean, I guess," Cedric said with the saddest eyes Harry had ever seen.

"Where's my robe?" he asked, shaking the image of Cedric-sad-eyes out of his mind.

"Back there." Cedric flung his arm in a general direction.

"Helpful," he said under his breath.

Inhaling much air, Harry climbed out of the bath, facing away from his company, and headed in the direction of Cedric's flung arm. The air was cold after the warm bath causing Harry to shiver while searching the left side of the bathroom for his clothing.

After scouring every nook and cubby, Harry resorted to poking his head back into the bath area.

"Uh, Cedric?"

The blond was still in the tub, splashing his feet carelessly. "Yes?"

"A-are you sure you put it over here?"

"Oh yes, quite positive."

Harry could tell Cedric was lying.

"Where e-exactly then?"

"Are you cold?" the Hufflepuff asked, turning his full attention to Harry, causing the boy-who-lived to blush.

"No, not at all," he said, forcing himself to stop shivering.

"It's on the sink, in the far room."

Harry scampered away in hopes of the warm robe he imagined. When he reached the room, cold tile aggravating his feet, he heard laughter echo from a distance. No, it wasn't laughter, it was a snicker. Harry did not think he'd ever found anything less funny in his entire life. However, there as Cedric had said, was his fluffy white robe.

"You find it Harry?" his distant voice called.

Harry vindictively snuggled into his robe and made his way back to the bath. "Yes I did. Thank you," he spat.

"Testy are we?" the blond said, paddling towards Harry. "How can I make it up to you?"

"M-make it up?"

Cedric began to rise out of the bath. "No! No, you stay in there," Harry spoke clearly. "I'm going to leave, and you're not going to follow me."

The Hufflepuff quietly laughed. "Don't forget your egg!"

Harry slowly turned back around to find Cedric almost completely out of the bath, extending the golden egg towards him. He fought the blush that rose to his cheeks as he grabbed the egg from the blond's hands.

"Goodnight Harry."

The boy who lived mumbled a reply as he sped out of the bathroom, straight into Professor Snape.

"Potter," he sneered.

"P-professor, I was just…I was working o-on the clue," he raised the egg in hopes of proving his point.

"I don't care what you were doing, Potter. You are out of bed after hours _and _you are not a prefect."

Harry opened his mouth to protest just as Cedric Diggory exited the bathroom.

"Professor Snape, do excuse Mr. Potter. I offered him the prefects' bathroom for the egg and kept him well past curfew. I apologize and take full responsibility."

Snape glared at the pair of boys over his massive nose. "Mr. Diggory, I am disappointed in this reckless behavior and, should I come to find that one of you is lying, I will be fit to give you both detention. Please escort Potter back to Gryffindor tower, if you don't mind."

"Not at all, good evening sir."

Snape was gone in a swish of his cloak.

Harry waited until they were far enough away from all of Snape's possible whereabouts before speaking.

"I appreciate you sticking up for me but I don't need an escort."

"Don't be silly Harry," Cedric said, slinging his arm around Harry's shoulders yet again. "I'm not doing this because Snape told me to."

The Gryffindor tried not to feel offended by the shameless wink he received.

"Cedric," he said, stopping to remove the boy's arm. "We need to talk about…whatever is going on. Hold this for me."

Cedric stared at Harry and held the egg like he was told.

"I am _not_ gay. Not only am I not gay, I am not in any way, shape, or form interested in you. I appreciate the pointer about the egg and your help in getting away from Snape but I would be thrilled it if you just left me alone to find my way back to the Gryffindor tower."

"Oh Harry, denial is not healthy."

"Denial my ass! Leave me the fuck alone!"

Cedric swallowed his snicker as Harry stormed away. The boy who lived made it around the corner and up a flight of moving stairs before he couldn't walk anymore. He fell against the nearest wall and sobbed into the golden egg; a hint of Cedric still lingered on it.

Harry managed to make it to breakfast the next morning. Hermione wanted to hear every detail of the egg, her voice got higher pitched with every question. He rubbed his temples before drowning her out with a full glass of pumpkin juice.

"Harry? Are you listening?"

"Not at all, Hermione. I'm sorry."

He could see the angry blotches of color in her cheeks forming, and watched her hands ball into fists.

"Don't do this Hermione," he begged. "It was a bad night."

She released the fists just long enough to shovel some eggs into her mouth. Her cheeks retained the angry pink color.

"What's got into her?" Ron whispered to Harry.

Harry blew him off with another glass of pumpkin juice and the Daily Prophet that Hermione was through with.

"Hey Harry," a foreign voice called.

The Gryffindor looked up to lock eyes with none other than Cedric Diggory. He gave a curt nod before returning to an article about a man with six legs.

"Harry," Ron whispered. "Did he _wink_ at you?"

"Have you gone mad?"

Ron's mouth fell agape at Harry's tone of voice. "I-I just thought I s-saw a wink."

Harry picked up his bag and left the table.

"He's worse than a girl," Ron said to Hermione.

"Humph!" She too, grabbed her bag and left, the pink tinge flaring up once again.

"Batting two for two, mate," Fred said from down the table.

"Bugger off."

Harry took no care in who, if anyone, was watching him. He ran up flights of stairs, down halls, and didn't stop until he came to the Gryffindor common room. He almost rammed heads with Neville, who was running late as always.

"Sorry Harry," he mumbled on the way out of the portrait hole.

He waved him off and fell into a chair by the fire to catch his breath. He could feel his heartbeat in every inch of his body.

"H-Harry Potter?"

Harry glanced behind him at the tiny boy who called his name. "Yeah?"

"C-Cedric Di-Diggory is outside."

"What!" he huffed.

"He w-wants to s-see you."

Harry descended on the first year. "You walk back out there and tell him to leave me the hell alone."

He hardly felt bad for making the child cry.

It was potions with the Slytherin's that made today the most unbearable day of the year. Harry sulked into the dungeon and slouched into his seat next to Ron.

"I want to apologize for earlier Ron," he whispered. "I didn't get proper sleep."

The red head exhaled. "It's al—"

"Hey Potter, Diggory any good?"

Harry felt the red rush up his neck and flood his face. "What the fuck are you talking about?"

"Did you enjoy your bath?" Malfoy sneered.

Harry's nails dug into his palms, his hands were in the tightest fists possible. Malfoy's nose almost touched his. "Did you like it when the water rippled over his abs? Did you want to feel his hand along your co—"

"Draco Malfoy you are the _foulest_ creature I have ever met!"

Malfoy's head snapped to where Granger sat, the pink color in her cheeks seemed to never fade. He slapped his hands on Harry's desk before making his way over to her.

"Sticking up for your queer friend?"

"You disgust me."

Snape's usual entrance ensued, causing Malfoy to retreat just this once. Hermione successfully got back at him with a perfect potion earning the usual silent glare from Professor Snape. Harry and Ron were a mess and still managed to not blow up their cauldron but Neville was not quite so lucky.

Smoke filled the room and many students fought for the door. Before they could all reach safety, Snape had controlled the pale green fog and everyone slowly filed back in. Harry rejoiced in the frightened eyes of Draco Malfoy.

"25 points from Gryffindor, Longbottom."

Harry's hatred for Snape had reached an all time high. Not only was Snape unfair to Gryffindor, but he was now having bedside chats with his archenemy. Thanks to him, the entire school would hear the story of the Hogwarts champions' late night bath.

"Cedric, we need to talk," Harry said pulling the Hufflepuff away from a fleet of girls.

"Now you want to talk?"

"Damn right I want to talk. Haven't you heard what people are saying? Or do you find it all amusing!" Harry said in a harsh whisper.

Cedric invited the enraged Harry into the nearest classroom.

"What the hell is going on, Harry?"

"I don't know _Cedric_," he said spitefully. "What have you been telling people?"

"I haven't told anyone anything. Despite the way it looks, I would never want to hurt you."

Harry was taken aback at the tone in Cedric's voice. It was sincere.

"Well, if you're not talking then it's all Snape."

"_What_!"

"I had a lovely little chat with his pet Malfoy in potions just now. And if Malfoy knows somethi—"

"The entire school knows it."

"I'm glad we understand this."

Harry didn't know what hit him. He felt hands along his waist and tasted unknown lips. His eyes fluttered closed and realized how much he wanted this, how much he had lied to himself, how much he was the happiest he had ever been. Cedric's hand inched it's way up his back and Harry found his hand instinctively playing in the blond hair of his partner.

Their kiss became animalistic; rough breaths and clawed hands laced the bodies in glistening sweat. Harry embraced Cedric's face with both hands, engaging in the deepest kiss either of them had ever shared with anyone.

"Harry!"

Hermione stood in the doorway, transfixed on the two boys who had hastily separated.

"So it's true! You watched me stick up for you against Malfoy and it's all true!"

"Hermione please…"

"No Harry, you don't get a second chance."

He knew he had no choice but to watch her walk away, her hands fell out of their angry fists in a gesture of disappointment. Ron stood behind her with his mouth agape.

"Ron please…"

"So it was a wink."

"Ron don't do this," Harry pleaded.

"Don't do what! You lied to me! How long has this been going on?"

"It hasn't gone anywhere! I know how it looked, Ron, stop!"

Harry watched his best friend walk out the door.

"Harry…"

"No! Shut up!"

The Gryffindor pushed past the growing group of onlookers, away from Cedric, away from lies, away from the one thing that could make him happy. He heard the snicker he was waiting for; the one that chilled his blood, the one that made his fingers itch with the need to hit something. Malfoy never saw it coming.

"I hope you enjoyed that," Harry said, kneading his fist. "Because it was the best thing I've ever done."

Draco Malfoy was speechless for what seemed to be the first time in his life. The Slytherin looked like a gaping fish; his mouth couldn't seem to form the retort he was searching for. Harry took pride in walking away from his enemy with head held high and the most amazing kiss he had ever had.

It took about three days for Ron to get over the fact that Harry liked boys; it took him another day to get over the fact that he liked Cedric. Hermione couldn't keep the angry face on for much longer.

"Harry, I'm sorry," she said, sitting next to him at the Gryffindor table for the first time in five days.

""Bout time you came around," Ron said, spitting a bit of lunch on her.

"You're foul."

Harry enjoyed his best friends' bantering; it put the spark back in his life. He let his eyes wander from the pair of them to the tall Hufflepuff across the way. Green eyes met brown and they shared a smile. It was a forbidden smile he would grow to cherish and one he would remember forever. Right now, all was right in the world. Harry laughed with happiness.


End file.
